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- Dear Buddy
- As a service to our loyal readers,
the pride of Parnell Community, Rockzillaworld's own Buddy
Eugene Sikes is now available to answer all of your questions
about music, money, sports, politics, and above all-- love. Got
a problem? Tell Buddy about it.
- Click Here to send your question to Buddy.
- Dear Buddy,
I come to you seeking knowledge. I played golf today with a
musician friend....let's call him "Buddy". On
several of the tee boxes, I noticed "Buddy" fixated
on some mushrooms that had popped up through the turf.
Should I be concerned? This vision clearly threw him off his
game, and caused our team to finish one spot out of the money.
Should I talk to his Pastor, Doctor, Friends/Neighbors, or should
I just stay out of his bidness?
Name Withheld By Request
-
- Dear NWBR
-
- I happen to know this musician "Buddy" of yours
so I can assure you that contacting a Pastor or Friends are not
options. I also happen to know that a great deal of the music
that we hear on the radio was written under the influence of
these very same mushrooms, so I would advise you to please not
meddle with the forces of Nature.
-
- Peace
- BS
- Dear Buddy:
-
- I noticed that in a previous reply you mentioned butting
heads with a goat. I did that same thing once. Could you please
tell that entire story? I noticed that in a previous reply you
mentioned butting heads with a goat. Could you please tell that
entire story?
-
- Greg in Garland
-
- Dear Greg
-
- Thanks for your interest in the Show Goat story. Thanks for
your interest in the Show Goat story. I'll tell that story in
its entirety once State Fair time gets here.
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- I was very excited to see your response to my life's dilemma.
Thank you for responding so quickly. I also want to thank you
for your deepest sympathy regarding my late husband's tragic
demise. While it has been 3 weeks since his untimely passing,
I feel like it just happened yesterday.
- As for my proposing to my wheelchair bound lover, well
I popped the question. And as always, Buddy was right, he accepted
with open arms. Well, maybe not fully open as his left arm has
a slight twitch that has been known to injure small women and
children as well as his own momma on Mothers Day.
- We are now in the throes of planning a wedding! So much
to do, so much to plan. Of course, Buddy, this wedding will not
go on without a hitch. My future mother-in-law is insisting that
we have a barbecue dinner for our reception. This idea is very
appealing to my future husband and me however, she insists on
using my third son Jimmy's FFA prize winning Duroc gilt. I can
tell you right now, little Jimmy's heart would be broken if I
asked him to give up Twila on behalf of the union of my man and
myself.
-
- Dear Buddy, how do I break this news to my future mother-in-law?
I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with her; she has enough
problems with her feet with those corns and bunions and all.
I want this marriage to bring our families together in peace,
love, and harmony.
- Please help!
- Sandra Lou
-
- Dear Sandra Lou
-
- Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I wish you and
your new husband many months of happiness.
-
- You seem to have the same problem I have. Every time something
good happens, there's always a bit ol' butt attached- usually
in the form of a mother-in-law.
-
- OK. You really only have 2 options. You can kill Twila, have
a nice meal, and chalk it up to a lesson on what he's got to
look forward to for little Jimmy. Kinda let him get a taste of
what being beaten down by The Man feels like. But, I say "Screw
that." Let little Jimmy be blissfully ignorant for as long
as possible.
-
- That leaves you with only one option. Get you future mother-in-law
alone so that nobody else can hear you. Tell her that if she
says one word about the pig or causes any trouble EVER, you'll
put her in a remotely situated home and never drive your husband
to visit her, NEVER.
-
- That should solve your problem.
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- Do you like sports?
-
- Eddie in Ennis
-
- Dear Eddie
-
- Well, yeah. I like hunting and fishing...hell I'm a man,
you know? If you mean games like football or hockey- yeah, if
there ain't a good Clint Eastwood or John Wayne movie on, I'll
watch a game. I really do like weightlifting, though- especially
the 12 ounce curl. I better go work out.
-
- Oeace
- BS
Dear Buddy
-
- I am an attractive, young, white female. I have good hygiene
habits as well as an outgoing personality. I have recently re-entered
the dating world after a brief marriage to my 3rd cousin that
ended tragically after a rodeo incident involving an intoxicated
rodeo clown and a large barrel.
- However, these matters are not of my concern. Recently
I have met a new beau (of no relation) and I must admit, have
fallen deeply in love with him. My question, Dear Buddy, is would
you consider the four dates we have had together a long-term
relationship? Should I go and reserve the church? I want to be
more than just a common law wife and give my 5 kids a daddy they
can look up to. Well, they won't look up as he is disabled and
in a wheelchair from an unfortunate accident with a John Deere
tractor and a fence post on his half brothers mothers chicken
farm.
- So my question, how do I propose to this man that I have
grown to love and understand so deeply in the 6 days I have known
him? My 5 kids and I would consider ourselves lucky to have this
man and his disability check in our lives.
- Please respond quickly.
- Sandra Lou
-
Dear Sandra Lou
- Yours is one of the most intriguing questions I've read.
You have my deepest sympathy regarding the rodeo tragedy. I had
a near fatal incident a few years ago at the state fair when
I butted heads with the grand champion show goat, so I feel your
pain.
- Your new boyfriend sounds like the perfect man for you and
your kids. Besides the fact that you say that you're in love
with him, nothing says "stability" like a check for
disability. Just tell this man that you want to marry him, and
if he balks, tell him to just roll on down the road.
- I suspect he'll jump at the chance to marry you, though,
and that would be great for everyone involved. Your kids need
a father figure in their lives, and if his wheelchair is motorized,
well, every day will be like a day at the state fair for them
kids. He will have the added comfort of knowing that if the battery
goes dead, there's enough kids to push him back to the house.
Sounds like a match made in Heaven to me.
- Let us know how everything works out.
- Peace
BS
Dear Buddy:
- My boyfriend, (who voted for Bill Clinton), thinks I am
a redneck because I have my BBQ grill on my front porch! Now,
technically my front porch is in my back yard and I say, So what?
I think he is still mad about the time I threw him out of his
own boat! Sigh. I'm frustrated, inhibited and nobody understands
me.
- We never go to any music venues anymore unless you count
the Brian Raider show! Zen Bubba is gonna be there and I heard
they are good, so maybe it's not ALL bad. Then again, maybe I
should just sit home and pout. What do you think?
-
- Lucy
-
- Dear Lucy
-
- He's got a lot of damned nerve calling you a redneck after
he voted for Bill. No wonder you're frustrated. You clearly didn't
use a big enough weight when you threw him out of that boat.
-
- As far as the show...well...Zen Bubba means telecasters and
steel-toed cowboy boots and BIG reverb and that spells party.
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy
-
- Now that this Dixy Chicks controversy seems to'uve died
down some... do you think it's safe to buy wunna their albums
again without worryin' about bein stalked by some redneck...
who juss may've witnessed the purchase in the record store? Cuz
hey, I for one am willin' to forgive em. An' so am ready to replace
somma them CDs that went into the wood chipper. I mean... come
on. I seen their interview on the telly. An' they struck me as
bein' way too dumb ta be dangerous.
-
- b from c= me
-
- Dear BC
-
- I think you might have issues that are far more important
than whether or not you should replace your DC records. Frankly,
you frighten me. And if you're buying the records, who's the
dumb one?
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- Has anything happened in Parnell since you last updated
your web page? Also, do you have a t-top on your tractor?
-
- What is the meaning of life? Just "wunnering"...
-
- Best Regards...really
- AC
-
-
- Dear Air Condtioner:
-
- Yes. Many things haver happened, some tragic, since I last
updated the Parnell site. I hope to get it caught up soon. I
drive a Farmall Super C and no, it don't have t-tops.
-
- The meaning of whose life? You're gonna cause trouble, aren't
you?
-
- Peace
- BS
-
Dear Buddy:
-
- Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Pondering in Ponder
-
-
- Dear Ponderer:
-
- I attribute it to my hair care products.
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- I'm a Green Party member, a huge Dixie Chicks fan, and
I speak French. If I go on a trip to see my folks back home in
Oklahoma, do you think I'll be able to get back across the Red
River?
-
- Merci beaucoup!
-
- That Obsessive-Compulsive Dixie Chicks Guy
-
-
- Dear Ob-Comp Guy
-
- Well, I guess from that opening sentence that you don't plan
to run for public office, huh? As far as your trip is concerned,
just place a Kevin Fowler sticker on the rear bumper of the 20
year old Japanese sub-compact that you drive and you'll do just
fine.
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy,
-
- I was wondering if you could tell me why chickens don't
pee?
-
- Mike in Lavon
-
-
-
- Dear Mike
-
- Interesting question. Actually, chickens do pee, just not
like we do. You know that white speck on the top of chicken doo-doo?
Well, that is chicken pee. Here's how the folks at The University
of Arizona Health Sciences Center explain it:
-
- "Chicken urine consists of yellowish fluid with a white
pasty substance largely made of uric acid. Uric acid is the main
product of nitrogen metabolism in birds and is not water soluble;
this is why solids make up part of the urine."
-
- And there you have it.
-
- Peace
BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- That name withheld guy requesting your opinion regarding
penile enhancement products, was me. Fact is... I was inquiring
for someone else. Really.
-
- Anyway, you asked me to let you know how it all turned
out... an' I gotta say, the result was not all that was hoped
for. See, the guy who tried it was my boss (a complete jerk,
actually)... and now, after taking the recommended dose of that
stuff for the prescribed period?
- He now has a size eleven and three quarters hat size.
-
- A real "Monkey's Paw" outcome, I'd say.
-
- Blademan from Chicago
-
-
-
- Dear Blademan
-
- Thanks for the feedback and the WW Jacobs reference-- the
first ever on Rockzillaworld. Man. Wow. Uh...he didn't
take that stuff internally, did he? Geez. I bet he wishes he
hadn't, huh?
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
A friend of mine wants to know whether those penis enlargement
products really work?
Name withheld by request, Dallas
Dear NWBR:
While I have certainly never had a need for such products,
I sensed the urgency in your question and did a little research.
Dallas radio personality Bruce Kidder says that he has had tremendous
results with a product called "Erectocreme." Rockzillaworld
editor William Michael Smith says it saved his marriage. On the
other hand, Singer Jay Johnson's wife, Rebecca, says that they've
tried countless penile enlargement products and had no success
(however, all manufacturers add the disclaimer that "the
patient should have an adequate base source to work with,"
so we can't be certain that this is evidence that the products
failed). I guess I'd have to just say that you pays your money
and you takes your chances. If these don't work, you might want
to consider some sort of corrective surgery. Let me know what
develops.
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- Well, I see you're up to your old tricks again. Why don't
you grow up?
Name withheld due to dumbness
- Dear Asswhip:
-
- Bite me.
-
- Peace
- BS
Dear Buddy:
-
- I hear you almost every morning talking to Bruce Kidder
on KHYI. I was just wondering whether the station gets very many
complaints about you calling so often.
-
- Chrystal in Plano
-
-
-
- Dear Chrystal
-
- Well, for starters, it looks like your mamma had a spelling
problem. I'd like to see you try to drop that superfluous "h,"
and then maybe you can write to me again with a better question.
-
- Peace
- BS
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